Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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