my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
