I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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