New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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