i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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