Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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