It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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