i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
