If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
