He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
