i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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