i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
