Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
