Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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