Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
