i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
