So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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