Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You made out with two different species that night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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