Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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