if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
