My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
