Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
