can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My hand turned me down
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
