Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
