My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
