You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I skipped work to stalk him.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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