I'm going to jail i love you
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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