I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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