I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Someone shattered a urinal.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
