it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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