On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
