Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
