I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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