my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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