Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
