home. puking in laundry basket.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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