Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
