um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
