I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
