Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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