She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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