Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
