On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
