I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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