she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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