When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
