I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we made out on top of his cat.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
