I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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