he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
