evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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