i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
