Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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