rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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