Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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