in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
