I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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