The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
