She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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