Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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