just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
