my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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