if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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