Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
