I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
