Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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