My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
