I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
